Co-parenting after a divorce presents several challenges as parents learn to work together to raise their children. Parents may wonder if co-parenting counseling can effectively address the needs of multiple children at different ages or if it will provide the same support for a toddler as it will for an adolescent.

Co-parenting counseling can work for children of all ages, but the approach must be tailored to their developmental needs. Ultimately, the purpose of co-parenting counseling is to provide a consistent and communicative environment for children to reduce the impact of divorce and provide them with the emotional support they need during their transition to adulthood.

Understanding Co-Parenting Counseling

Co-parenting counseling is a specialized form of psychotherapy designed to help children following separation by working with parents to develop effective communication strategies and routines. The primary focus is to help children deal with the transitions of divorce by equipping parents with the tools to work together effectively, create consistent routines, and share parental responsibilities. Parents additionally benefit from a better relationship dynamic, reducing stress and disputes, although parental reconciliation is not the focus.

Because children are the focus but not directly involved in counseling, parents learn strategies to help reduce the negative impact of divorce and provide normalcy during the transition process. It’s important to note that the success of co-parenting counseling often depends on the parent’s willingness to work together and communicate during the process. Co-parenting counseling provides the best benefit to children when both parents are engaged in their child’s well-being and are able to communicate with each other in a cooperative manner..

For children of all ages, broad goals in co-parenting counseling include:

• Improving communication between parents.
• Develop conflict resolution skills.
• Create consistent parenting approaches and rules across households.
• Help parents understand and respond to their children’s emotional needs during and after separation.

Consistency and Communication in Co-Parenting

Co-parenting counseling benefits from consistency across households and communication between parents, creating a stable and supportive environment for the child. The purpose is not to mask divorce; parents should be open about what is happening and why. Instead, co-parenting counseling aims to create the same support and stability children had before the divorce while recognizing the needs and autonomy of the parents.

All children need consistency, especially during and after divorce, when life seems chaotic and unpredictable. Children of all ages love both parents and seek to spend time with them. Co-parenting counseling offers a neutral and empathetic space where parents can collaborate, develop consistent routines, and provide a unified approach to parenting.

Communication is also crucial. Open communication reduces misunderstandings and allows for a better support system for their children. In counseling, parents learn strategies for conflict resolution, how to bring up disputes without blaming, and regular communication to stay involved with their children’s interests and efforts.

Co-Parenting Counseling for Different Age Groups

Co-parenting counseling can be effective for children of all ages, but the focus will vary depending on their developmental stage and unique needs. While the core principles of co-parenting counseling remain, counselors adapt their approach to address age-specific challenges and help parents anticipate and prepare for age-related issues that may arise in the co-parenting relationship.

Consistency and communication are at the heart of counseling, and in general, younger children will benefit the most from consistency, and older children from open communication. Younger children will not understand what is happening as well and seek consistent routines and normalcy to reduce stress and minimize withdrawal or outbursts. Older children understand better what divorce is, why it is happening, and will have their own opinions and needs, including a need to be heard and included.

Infants and Toddlers: Age 0-3

Infants and toddlers have short memory and attention spans and will benefit the most from consistency. Consistency includes how frequently they see their parents, nap, and bedtimes across households, and minimizing changes or disruptions in their lives. Children at this age are beginning to form attachments, and it’s essential for them to see both parents frequently and for parents to show them consistent love and affection.

Signs of significant distress in infants include excessive crying, problems feeding or sleeping, withdrawal, and toileting issues, indicating emotional distress and an inability to cope. Infants in distress benefit from parents giving them consistent affection and being emotionally available.

In counseling, the primary goal for this age group is establishing consistent routines and maintaining attachment with both parents. Parents learn to create shared parenting plans and communicate effectively about the child’s basic needs, schedules, and developmental milestones.

Preschool and Elementary School: Age 3-11

Younger children aged 3-4 become egocentric as they explore their initial individuality. This egocentricity can lead to the belief that they are to blame for their parent’s divorce and may need constant reassurance to understand that this is not the case.

Older children may believe they can reconcile their parents and bring them back together, as represented in the popular film The Parent Trap. Additionally, the introduction to academics and extracurriculars presents challenges to time management and can add stress to children who feel tumultuous in their lives.

Counseling for children at this age focuses on parenting plans that provide consistency in schedules and teach children how to explain divorce in age-appropriate terms. Parents learn specific strategies to explain why divorce is happening, why they can’t get back together, and that it is not the child’s fault. Parents also learn practical strategies like maintaining duplicate toys across households and coordinating hand-offs.

Part of these communication strategies involves conflict resolution to reduce the impact of arguments on children or to learn to settle disputes constructively and away from children. Parents may also address academic issues and prepare for children’s transition to adolescence, which brings additional challenges.

Pre-teen and Adolescents: Age 11-18

Communication becomes the focus for pre-teens and adolescents as they explore their independence and prepare for adulthood. Counseling focuses on creating open lines of communication between parents and teens and including teens in family decisions.

Consistency is still essential, but as teens spend more time away from their parents, for example, at friends’ houses during school weeks, they are often more concerned with spending time on personal interests, friends, or romantic partners. Consistency at this stage should take the form of shared rules and support, providing teens with both structure and freedom.

A potential challenge for parents that arises with this developmental stage is the teen choosing to take sides or pit one parent against the other. This challenge can be for many reasons, including distress at one parent, perceived unfairness due to different household rules, or a way to get more out of their parents, especially if both parents aren’t communicating. In these situations, it’s important to encourage teens to love both parents while ensuring that consistent rules and disciplinary methods are maintained across households.

Often, teens will want to provide input on the parenting plan and have specific opinions and needs that they want included. While teens are not part of counseling sessions, hearing them out and respecting their needs is essential to providing them with the tools to be their own adults and have control over their lives. Family therapy is also an effective option for exploring dynamics between the whole family and includes all members during sessions.

Get Support Co-Parenting With Start My Wellness

Co-parenting counseling can effectively support children of all ages by tailoring approaches to fit their developmental needs. By focusing on constituency and communication, parents can create a supportive and stable environment that mitigates the impacts of divorce and fosters emotional well-being.

At Start My Wellness, we understand the unique challenges of co-parenting. Our experienced counselors are equipped to help parents navigate these complexities by providing tailored strategies that address the specific needs of children at different developmental stages. We are committed to helping families build a cooperative and nurturing co-parenting dynamic.

If you’re ready to improve your co-parenting relationship and support your child’s well-being, contact us at (248)-514-4955 and meet our counselors. Let us help you create a harmonious co-parenting environment for your family.

Sources

1. Start My Wellness: What is Co-Parenting Counseling and How Does it Work?
2. Office of the Attorney General: Co-Parenting Guide
3. Oklahoma State University: Co-Parenting Series: Developmentally Appropriate Parenting Plans
4. Start My Wellness: Family Therapy