Feeling overwhelmed by the needs and emotions of others can be exhausting and often leaves little room for your own well-being. When this pattern perpetuates, it can lead to codependent tendencies that leave you emotionally drained and, in some cases, relying on unhelpful coping mechanisms to maintain your well-being.

Codependency is a complex behavioral pattern that often stems from past trauma, dysfunctional family dynamics, or unhealthy relationship patterns. Healing from codependency involves focusing and building one’s autonomy while actively changing coping skills to reduce emotional stress and learn to rely on oneself for validation and emotional support.

The goal is not to become wholly independent but to promote self-sufficiency in a way that allows you to be secure in helping others while relying on others when needed.

What is Codependency?

Codependency is a behavioral condition where an individual prioritizes the needs of others over their own, often to their own detriment. This pattern typically involves an excessive reliance on others for approval and self-worth. In return for external validation, the individual practices excessive caretaking of others while downplaying their needs to feel validated and needed.

Excessive caretaking in this definition involves prioritizing others’ needs to a degree that leads to a loss of self, lack of boundaries, and dependence on others for self-worth. In healthy relationships, both partners are self-sufficient while relying on their significant others for essential emotional support. In codependent relationships, one or both partners sacrifice their sufficiency for the needs of the other, creating an imbalance that can lead to resentment, frustration, and emotional distress.

Understanding codependency involves recognizing these patterns and their impacts on one’s relationships so individuals can reclaim their autonomy and become self-sufficient. Being self-sufficient does not mean excluding others; it represents that you cannot help others until you’ve helped yourself and that you are the only person who can validate your experiences. By identifying codependency and addressing unhealthy coping mechanisms, individuals can work towards establishing more autonomy and better relationships where both partners’ needs are respected and valued.

Why Do I Feel Codependent and Where Do Codependent Tendencies Come From?

Feeling codependent, or feeling dependent on others for validation and self-esteem, often stems from deep-seated emotional and psychological factors. Individuals who grew up in unstable environments may develop a heightened sensitivity to others’ needs and emotions to maintain harmony and avoid conflict. This hyper-awareness can lead to a perpetual state of anxiety and a compulsion to manage and control relationships, believing that their self-worth is tied to the ability to care for others.

In these early environments, the child experiences a loss of stability and control. Caretaking or mediating are effective strategies for reducing emotional stress and maintaining stability. While these strategies may have provided some control in early environments, they become especially maladaptive later in life as individuals rely on them to manage stress.

For example, excessive caretaking out of fear of abandonment won’t keep people closer and often pushes them away; mediating in an attempt to keep everyone happy can mask important

issues that need to be addressed.

Understanding the origins of codependent coping skills is crucial for healing. By recognizing that these behaviors were developed in response to unhealthy environments, individuals can begin to forgive themselves and shift towards healthier behavior patterns that promote self-esteem and self-sufficiency.

How to Change Coping Strategies in Codependency

Focusing on self-sufficiency can redirect unhealthy coping strategies learned in childhood. An essential limitation of codependency is a lack of independence, with dependence on others for validation and self-worth. Recognizing that healthy relationships require both independence and functional dependence but that codependent relationships feature excessive dependence, the focus is on promoting self-reliance and setting appropriate boundaries.

The goal is not necessarily independence but to promote interdependence, where both partners’ needs are validated, and each partner can support themselves and offer help when needed. However, because codependent relationships feature unhealthy dependence (where giving and supporting are unbalanced), the process of adapting coping strategies often focuses on areas where individuals lack internal validation or self-sufficiency.

Psychotherapy is particularly helpful in helping individuals recognize and address codependent patterns. It offers a safe and empathetic space where individuals can work on ways to modify coping strategies that promote self-worth and emotional well-being. Below are different coping strategies that manifest in codependency and how psychotherapists address these strategies to encourage self-sufficiency and emotional well-being.

Control Strategies

Codependent individuals often feel the need to control people around them to ensure everyone’s happiness or to keep people close out of fear of abandonment. Addressing control strategies involves focusing on one’s needs before taking care of others and developing self-awareness to understand when this process occurs.

For example, in therapy, an individual might work on identifying situations where they feel compelled to control their partner’s actions. The psychotherapist might use cognitive-behavioral techniques to help the patient recognize these impulses and reframe their thinking. Rather than trying to manage their partner’s behavior, the individual would learn to express their needs more clearly and trust their partner to respond appropriately.

Avoidance Strategies

Avoidance strategies are ways for individuals to escape emotional distress or uncomfortable situations. These behaviors may include denial, procrastination, or distraction through various activities. Shifting away from avoidance involves developing healthier ways to cope with emotional pain and learning to face challenges head-on rather than avoiding them.

For example, a psychotherapist might help a patient who avoids confrontation learn meditation and mindfulness techniques to stay present at the moment and manage stressful emotions in real-time. Rather than shying away from confrontation, the individual can learn to accept confrontation and act neutrally instead of reacting.

Low Self-Esteem Strategies

Low self-esteem is common within codependent relationships, and coping mechanisms can include excessive self-criticism, perfectionism, and an inability to assert personal needs. Improving self-esteem involves cultivating a positive self-image, embracing self-compassion, and practicing self-validation. Building self-worth from within helps break the cycle of dependence on external approval.

For example, a psychotherapist might use cognitive restructuring to help individuals identify and replace self-critical thoughts with more balanced and positive ones. The individual might also work on setting and achieving small, realistic goals to build confidence and a sense of accomplishment.

Compliance Strategies

Compliance strategies involve a tendency to conform to others’ expectations and suppress personal desires to avoid conflict or rejection. Changing these strategies requires learning to assert personal boundaries and communicate needs effectively. It also involves developing the confidence to stand by one’s values and make independent decisions, even in the face of opposition.

For example, a psychotherapist might work with an individual to role-play scenarios where they need to assert their boundaries. Through assertiveness training, the individual practices saying “no” and expressing their needs clearly and respectfully.

Take the First Step Towards Healing with Start My Wellness

Healing from codependency requires a deep understanding of its roots and a commitment to changing unhealthy coping strategies. In recognizing the causes of codependency and ineffective coping strategies, individuals can begin to work on strategies to foster emotional resilience, build healthier relationships, and improve their emotional well-being.

At Start My Wellness, we understand the complexities of codependency and are dedicated to helping individuals navigate their path to recovery. Our experienced therapists, counselors, social workers, and nurse practitioners offer personalized support and evidence-based strategies to help you adopt healthier coping mechanisms and achieve emotional balance. We are committed to providing a safe and empathetic environment where you can explore your behaviors and develop the skills needed for lasting change.

Take the first step towards healing today. Contact Start My Wellness at (248)-514-4955 and meet our therapists to begin your journey towards healthier relationships and a more fulfilling life.

Sources

1. Start My Wellness: Codependency
2. Start My Wellness: How Does Family HIstory Impact Codependency?
3. PsychCentral: How Childhood Trauma May Affect Adult Relationships
4. Start My Wellness: How to Break the Cycle of Codependency
5. Start My Wellness: The Difference Between Codependency and Interdependence
6. SimplyPsychology: How to Heal from Codependency