Low self-esteem can be challenging for children and adults, but it manifests in different ways and environments. For instance, a child may struggle with confidence at school or with social media comparisons online, while an adult might face difficulties in their professional and romantic relationships.

Understanding how to address and improve self-esteem is crucial for all individuals, and improving self-esteem involves building confidence, emotional resilience, and learning to listen to internal validation. However, the approach to addressing self-esteem issues differs based on each individual’s developmental stages and unique needs.

In general, children respond better to play, age-appropriate activities, and parental involvement, where modeling and interactive elements help teach children to value and appreciate their unique worth. For adults, the focus is often on self-awareness, skills training, and cognitive restructuring to build an accurate appraisal of their strengths and weaknesses while working on their weaknesses and building situational confidence.. Viewed this way, low self-esteem in adults is not an abstract personality characteristic but instead is an actionable appraisal of weaknesses to work on.

The Development of Self-Esteem In Children and Young Adults

Self-esteem is an individual’s overall assessment of their personal value and abilities, including self-worth, one’s intrinsic value, self-competence, the belief in one’s abilities, and self-respect, the regard one has for oneself. It’s a crucial predictor of happiness, relationship satisfaction, emotional resilience, and academic ability. In essence, self-esteem equips individuals to face life’s challenges confidently and competently.

Self-esteem plays a vital role in children’s and young adults’ overall development and well-being. Children with positive self-esteem are more likely to take on challenges, persist through difficulties, and recover from setbacks. For young adults, self-esteem is equally crucial as it impacts their ability to form healthy relationships and make informed decisions about their future.

High self-esteem enables individuals to assert their needs, set boundaries, and pursue their aspirations in academics and life. It also helps adolescents cope with the pressures of peer influence and academic stress. In adults, self-esteem is a strong predictor for career success, contentedness, and building relationships as it allows adults to navigate the complexities of life while maintaining boundaries and knowing one’s abilities and limits.

Appropriate Self-Esteem Across Developmental Milestones

Generally, self-esteem emerges significantly in childhood and consolidates in adulthood . Young children (around ages 4-8) tend to have unrealistically positive self-views and high self-esteem because they haven’t yet developed the ability to critically compare themselves to others or recognize their ideal selves. Children at this age are considered “egocentric” in that they are experiencing the emergence of the ego, or self-concept, but have not yet expanded their awareness to include others’ perspectives.

As children grow older (around ages 8-12), they develop a more realistic self-concept as they learn empathy and can compare themselves to others. They start to make more realistic self-evaluations and comparisons to peers and often may withdraw or become self-conscious as they begin to see themselves through other’s eyes.

In adolescents, self-esteem generally increases and stabilizes in young adulthood, as adolescents have begun experimenting with different identities, interests, and peer groups. As they learn more about themselves and develop a more stable sense of identity, self-esteem becomes less fluid and more established during adulthood (usually by ages 30-60).

Common Causes of Low Self-Esteem

While self-esteem fluctuates during development, low self-esteem can significantly hinder an individuals’ ability to be happy, succeed, and face emotional setbacks effectively. Additionally, poor self-esteem developed in childhood can be carried over into adulthood, manifesting as depression, anxiety, avoidance, and fear of failure in their careers, relationships, or personal endeavors.

Self-esteem is understood to be the capacity to realistically appraise one’s abilities and be willing to acknowledge relative weaknesses and work to improve them. A person’s early experiences with family and friends may adversely affect a person’s capacity to tolerate weaknesses. The person will develop feelings of avoidance and helplessness when confronted with things that are challenging or difficult for them. Rather than try to “work it out”, a person may avoid or feel powerless to improve the situation. These feelings are the core of low self-esteem; the avoidance of things which are difficult because the person feels helpless or hopeless in being able to improve things. Primary environmental factors leading to low self-esteem include stressful early childhood experiences, traumatic events, and social media comparison. Neglect, abuse, or adverse events early in life can create feelings of inadequacy, worthlessness, and self-doubt that persist into adulthood.

Traumatic events can have the same effect at any point in life, as they undermine emotional stability and create doubt in one’s ability to control or protect one’s environment. For instance, experiencing a car accident can significantly affect one’s confidence when driving, creating anxiety and doubt about one’s ability to keep oneself safe in a seemingly unpredictable world.

Recently, social media comparison has become an influencer of poor self-esteem. While social media is an excellent place to share one’s abilities and progress, it can also become a curated environment of unrealistic expectations and feelings of inferiority. Recognizing these factors and their influence on self-concept is crucial for providing the necessary support to build and maintain healthy self-esteem throughout life.

Low Self-Esteem in Children

Low self-esteem in children can profoundly affect their development, influencing their academic performance, social interactions, and overall mental health. Self-esteem in children is fluid as they develop their own self-concepts, and they are highly influenced by external factors, including parental modeling, peer relationships, and external validation. While the development of self-esteem comes from within, external motivation from parents and peers provides a model for how children can begin to perceive themselves.

Children with low self-esteem often struggle to assert themselves, avoid new challenges and may experience feelings of helplessness and worthlessness. These negative self-perceptions can prevent them from forming healthy relationships and reaching their full potential.

Strategies to Boost Self-Esteem in Kids

Addressing low self-esteem in children requires a supportive and nurturing environment. Positive reinforcement, encouragement, and opportunities for success can help build their confidence and intrinsic value. Some effective strategies to boost self-esteem include:

• Supporting Their Talents and Interests: For example, if a child loves painting, provide them with art supplies and praise their creativity, which can help enhance their sense of accomplishment and situational confidence.
• Giving Praise: Offer genuine and specific praise for their efforts to reinforce the value of hard work and the results of their hard work and dedication.
• Being a Role Model: Demonstrate positive self-esteem for children to emulate and inspire them to develop similar traits. Children learn by observing, and seeing you handle tasks positively can inspire them to do the same.
• Spending Quality Time Together: Dedicate time to engage in meaningful activities. Whether playing a game, reading a book, or simply talking about their day, these moments let your child know they are valued and loved.
• Encourage Healthy Relationships: Help children build and maintain positive relationships with their peers. Encourage them to join activity groups or sports where they can meet friends with similar interests and values, promoting a sense of belonging and acceptance.

Low Self-Esteem in Adults

Adults with low self-esteem may struggle with self-doubt, negative self-talk, and an inability to assert themselves in relationships or at work. These feelings can significantly impact their professional achievements, relationships, and overall mental health.

For many adults, low self-esteem can manifest as fear of failure, leading to avoidance of new opportunities or challenges. Essentially, there is a mismatch between one’s abilities and their belief in their abilities. Additionally, social media comparison, body image issues, and past traumatic experiences can influence negative beliefs about oneself or reinforce misplaced feelings of inadequacy.

Where self-esteem is more fluid and susceptible to change in children, self-esteem in adults is more stable and reinforced by past experiences. However, anyone can improve their self-esteem, and in adults, this process typically involves creating a more realistic self-image and learning to respect and love oneself.

Strategies to Improve Self-Esteem in Adults

Addressing low self-esteem in adults involves recognizing and challenging negative thought patterns and building a more positive self-image. The goal is to match one’s perception of oneself with one’s actual worth and value, developing a healthy and realistic self-image and belief in one’s abilities. Therapy, such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), can be particularly effective in helping individuals reframe their self-perceptions and develop healthier coping strategies.

• Challenge and Replace Negative Thoughts: Identify negative self-talk and actively replace it with positive affirmations. For example, if you catch yourself thinking “I always fail,” counter it with “I am capable and have succeeded in many things.”
• Practice Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a close friend. When you make a mistake, instead of harsh self-criticism, remind yourself that everyone makes mistakes and focus on what you can learn from the experience.
• Self-Care: Prioritize activities that promote physical, emotional, and mental well-being. For example regular exercise can boost mood in the short term and provide physical benefits throughout the rest of your life.
• Cultivate Strengths: Focus on and develop your inherent strengths and talents. For instance, if you excel in writing, dedicate time to hone this skill and seek opportunities to use it in your personal and professional life, reinforcing competence while celebrating achievements.

Boost Your Self-Esteem With Start My Wellness

Low self-esteem can significantly impact both children and adults, manifesting differently and requiring different support depending on an individual’s development and unique needs. Understanding and addressing low self-esteem is crucial for fostering confidence, emotional resilience, and overall well-being.

At Start My Wellness, we are dedicated to helping individuals overcome low self-esteem and develop a positive self-concept. Our experienced therapists, counselors, social workers, and nurse practitioners provide tailored support to meet each individual’s unique needs. We believe in a holistic approach that combines evidence-based treatment with compassionate care to cultivate lasting change and improvement.

Contact Start My Wellness today at (248)-514-4955 and meet our therapists to begin your journey towards a more confident and fulfilling life.

Sources

1. Start My Wellness: Self-Esteem
2. Medical News Today: How to Regain Lost Self-Confidence
3. National Library of Medicine: Development of Self-Esteem from Age 4- to 94 years: A Meta-Analysis of Longitudinal Studies
4. Start My Wellness: Roots of Confidence: Family HIstory’s Impact on Self-Esteem
5. Start My Wellness: Navigating the Impact of Social Media on Self-Esteem
6. Start My Wellness: Boosting Children’s Self-Esteem: Strategies and Considerations
7. Start My Wellness: In-Person Therapy for Low Self-Esteem: What to Expect